Quite some time ago I started a series on ancient humour and it’s time to revive it again.  See:

• Ancient jokes: Humour now and then
• Regional rivalries and humour in the Greco-Roman world
• A few more ancient jokes, or selling your textbooks is not that impressive (also some haunting humour here).

The Philolegos, or Laughter-Lover is a treasure trove of ancient humour.  As I wait anxiously for the strike to end at York University, here are some ancient education-related jokes:

“An egghead elementary school teacher suddenly darted a glance at the corner and shouted, ‘Dionysius is misbehaving in the corner!’  When one of the other boys pointed out that Dionysius had not yet arrived, he rejoined, ‘Well, he will be when he gets here’ (Laughter-lover, no. 61)

“An egghead was writing a letter from Athens to his father.  Wanting to show off over how well his studies were going, he added this postscript:  ‘I pray that when I come home I shall find you on trial for your life, so that I can show you how great an advocate I am’” (no. 54).

“A professor from [the city of] Sidon (see post here) asked a schoolteacher how much a five-litre flask holds.  ‘That all depends on whether you mean oil or wine” (no. 136).

“A gluttonous teacher called up to a loaf of bread he saw on a high shelf, ‘Come down and recite your lesson or I’ll come up there and teach you another one’ (no. 220).

“An egghead gym instructor was told first that his pupil was not feeling well, next that he had a fever, and finally that he was dead.  ‘If you keep giving him all these excuses to miss class, he’ll never have a chance to learn’ (no. 258).

Now even I would accept that last excuse for missing classes.

]]> http://www.philipharland.com/Blog/2009/01/08/some-ancient-education-related-jokes-jokes-4/feed/ 0 http://www.philipharland.com/Blog/2008/12/18/happy-holidays/ http://www.philipharland.com/Blog/2008/12/18/happy-holidays/#comments Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:13:49 +0000 Phil Harland http://www.philipharland.com/Blog/?p=367 Happy holidays, Christmas and/or Hanukkah!  Have a nice holiday break!

Rather than reinvent the wheel, here are some posts from previous holidays:

• The Little Drummer Boy and Protevangelium of James
• ‘Tis the season . . . : Jewish and Roman holidays
• Humorous Hannukah interlude
• Favourite Christmas album: Ella Fitzgerald’s Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas

(I didn’t come up with that one.  I’m told that this was the paper headline — “Justin Just Out” — when Trudeau’s Justin showed up, not to be confused with our Justin without a silver spoon).

There was at Athens a large and roomy house, which had a bad name, so that no one could live there. In the dead of the night a noise, resembling the clashing of iron, was frequently heard, which, if you listened more attentively, sounded like the rattling of chains, distant at first, but approaching nearer by degrees. Immediately afterward a phantom appeared in the form of an old man, of extremely emaciated and filthy appearance, with a long beard and messy hair, rattling the chains on his feet and hands. The distressed occupants meanwhile passed their wakeful nights under the most dreadful terrors imaginable. This, as it broke their rest, ruined their health, and brought on distempers, their terror grew upon them, and death ensued. Even in the day time, though the spirit did not appear, the impression nonetheless remained so strong upon their imaginations that it still seemed before their eyes, and kept them in perpetual alarm. Consequently the house was at length deserted, as being deemed absolutely uninhabitable, so that it was now entirely abandoned to the ghost. However, in hopes that some tenant might be found who was ignorant of this very alarming circumstance, a sign was put up, giving notice that it was either for rent or sale.

(Pliny the Younger, Letters 7.27.5-6; adapted from the translation by William Melmoth, Letters of Pliny [Boston: Greenough and Stebbens, 1809], online at Project Gutenberg).

Moral of the story: Always ask if a place is haunted before you buy or rent.

(I came across the tale while reading D. Felton, “The Dead,” in A Companion to Greek Religion [edited by D. Ogden; London: Blackwell, 2007], 86-99.)

The answer involves anti-gravity machines, naturally.

Identify and discuss the significance of the four “common denominators” (or central concerns) of second-temple Judaism.

(Answer should be things like: monotheism, temple, election / land, covenant / torah.)

Part of the answer on one test:

“Second temple Judeans also believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ.”

Interesting. I did not know that. (I like the use of “Judeans” there, though).

Nathaniel: “Can we celebrate Hannukah this year?”

Phil: “Sure!”

Nathaniel, after a pause: “Are we Jewish?”

Phil: “No.”

Nathaniel: “Oh, I don’t want to do it then.”

Phil (desperately): “Well, I can at least tell you about it, can’t I?”

Here’s a translation of that story (from Greek recension A):

9 1 Now after certain days Jesus was playing in the upper story of a certain house, and one of the young children that played with him fell down from the house and died. And the other children when they saw it fled, and Jesus remained alone. 2 And the parents of him that was dead came and accused him that he had cast him down. And Jesus said: I did not cast him down. But they reviled him still. 3 Then Jesus leaped down from the roof and stood by the body of the child and cried with a loud voice and said: Zeno (for so was his name called) arise and tell me, did I cast you down? And straightway he arose and said: No, Lord, you did not cast me down, but did raise me up. And when they saw it they were amazed: and the parents of the child glorified God for the sign which had come to pass, and worshipped Jesus (translation by M.R. James, The Apocryphal New Testament: Translation and Notes [Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1924] with modifications).

Earlier I have commented on related matters in The Cursing Infant Jesus: Ancient vs. modern sensibilities (NT Apocrypha 1.2).

A little who’s-your-real-father humour:

“An egghead on meeting a friend was congratulated by him on the birth of a son.  ‘Yes, thanks to all my friends!’, he replied” (Philogelos 98).

On just how stupid airheads can be:

“There were these two cowardly eggheads.  One hid in a well, the other in a bed of rushes.  When the soldiers who were after them let down a helmet to get some water, the one in the well thought a soldier had come down to get him, started to beg for mercy and so was detected.  The soldiers said that they would leave him alone if he would only shut up.  Hearing this, the other egghead hidden in the rushes called out, ‘Hey, leave me alone as well; I’m not saying anything!’” (96).

On what you shouldn’t do with your text-books:

“A witty young egghead sold his books when short of money.  He then wrote to his father, ‘Congratulate me, father.  I am already making money from my studies” (55).

(Again, all translations are from Baldwin, Philogelos, as cited in no. 1 of this ancient jokes series).

This also reminds me of T-Bone Burnett’s recent lyric:

If we were to pass an eleventh commandment
In twenty years, people would be shocked to learn
That there had once been only ten
And wouldn’t care if there had been

(T-Bone Burnett, “Everytime I feel the shift,” Columbia/DMZ, 2006)

(Copyright Gospel Communications International, Inc – www.reverendfun.com)

Origen of Alexandria would approve.

(Copyright Gospel Communications International, Inc – www.reverendfun.com; used in accordance with that website’s permissions).

As in modern regional rivalries or region-centric thinking (in Canada it was once common to hear jokes about people from Newfoundland), sometimes negativity towards another area or people could take the form of ethnic stereotypes, including jokes. The ancient joke-book which I discussed in the previous post, The Laughter-Lover, contains a number of jokes of this kind, with the primary targets being inhabitants from Sidon (in Syria), Abdera (in Thrace), and Kyme (in Asia Minor). No doubt, some such jokes and caricatures originally emerged within the context of local civic rivalries. Here are a few that poke fun at — or stereotype as less than brilliant — people from Kyme (Cyme):

“A man from Kyme who was looking for a friend was in front of his house calling his name. ‘Shout louder, so that he’ll hear you,’ advised a passer-by. So he started calling, ‘Louder!’” (no.160).

“A man from Kyme was riding by a garden on a donkey. Catching sight of an overhanging branch full of ripe figs, he made a grab for it. But the donkey bolted and left him hanging. Up came the gardener and demanded to know what he thought he was doing hanging there. ‘I had an asinine accident’” (no. 166).

“A man from Kyme was so ill that his doctor despaired of him. However, he recovered. But he kept avoiding the doctor. Finally, the [doctor] managed to corner him and ask why. ‘Well, I’m embarrassed to be seen alive after you said I was going to die’” (no. 174).

“[There was a] doctor from Kyme who switched to a blunt scalpel because the patient on whom he was operating was screaming so much from the pain” (no. 177).

(Again, all translations are from Baldwin, Philogelos, as cited in no. 1 of this ancient jokes series).

I thought it might be fun to start up an ongoing series on jokes from antiquity, jokes that may make some of us moderns laugh and/or provide us with glimpses into a very different cultural world than our own. There are plenty of references to humour and funny situations in many ancient sources (and ancient theatrical comedy was of course aimed, in part, at bringing laughter). Yet there is only one surviving example of an actual anthology of 265 ancient jokes, The Philogelos or Laughter-Lover (manuscript dating to the 10th century but reflecting jokes from the first centuries of our era, one of which can be dated to 248 CE).

The Laughter-Lover collects together jokes thematically, dealing with the stereotypical “intellectual”, “scholar”, or “professor” (scholastikos; there are over 100 of these), with physicians, with civic rivalry, and with people with bad breath, among others. Quite a few jokes have direct relevance to issues of gender and views of women in antiquity, as translated and discussed online here at Diotima.

Here’s my first installment relating to scholar-types (some of which also happen to reflect the realities of ancient slavery):

“An intellectual who had had an operation on his uvula was ordered by his doctor not to talk for a while. So he instructed his slave to greet all his callers on his behalf. Then he proceeded to say to each caller, ‘Please don’t be offended that my slave greeted you instead of me; I’m under doctor’s orders not to talk’” (Laughter-Lover, no. 7).

“After a dinner party two intellectuals kept taking it in turns to escort the other home in accordance with the rules of etiquette. The result: neither of them ever got to bed” (no. 20).

“An intellectual was on a sea voyage when a big storm blew up, causing his slaves to weep in terror. ‘Don’t cry,’ he consoled them, ‘I have freed you all in my will’” (no. 25).

Translations in this series of posts come from Barry Baldwin, The Philogelos or Laughter-Lover Amsterdam: J.C. Gieben, 1983, with adaptations. For a general discussion of humour through history, see Jan Bremmer and Herman Roodenburg, eds., A Cultural History of Humour from Antiquity to the Present Day (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1997).